Identity is a set of habits of thought. The very idea of identity is just another habit you picked up. The good news: once you realize that, you can build your own from scratch. The bad news: it will troll you.
Countless clichéd people want to be a writer and start cultivating that identity. They install Scrivener. They read research papers and inspiring novels. They plan how the book’s cover will look. They introduce themselves as a writer. They don’t write much.
There are many diagnoses of this common malaise. The predictable identities one is: adopting X as an identity makes you optimize for being predicted as X, rather than for X itself. If you tell people about the book you’re writing they’ll predict that you’re a writer and will treat you accordingly, reinforcing your identity. If you merely accumulate words in a draft file, they won’t.
If I hear someone identify as a “truth seeker” I know that they’re a devout Christian, devout skeptic, or both (i.e., Jordan Peterson). “Truth seekers” love public debates, they love researching arguments and counterarguments, they love talking about the importance of truth. What they rarely seem to do is actually change their mind about anything — the invisible action that doesn’t reinforce their “truth seeking” identity.
The first step to escaping the trap of identity is to build an identity of fluidity, corrigibility, and small verbs rather than big adjectives.
— “Are you a writer?”
— “I’ve been writing this blogchain.”
— “Will you turn it into a book?”
— “Probably not, but I may change my mind.”
— “So you’re not really a writer.”
— “Never said I was.”
It’s hard to go overboard with an identity of breaking-habits and keeping the self small, since your natural inclination will always pull you towards consistency, and others will assign labels to you whether you want to or not. Adopting an anti-identity can get you to a middle ground, and that’s a good place to start.
About Jacob Falkovich
Here’s an example from my own life. I rarely say I am a Zen Buddhist; that sounds like a label others might apply to me or a category I might have to squeeze myself into on an official form. Instead I say I practice Zen, or even better yet I meditate, or better yet I meditated for X minutes this morning, I read this Dharma book recently, I did task Y during the last work period at the Zen center, etc..
Or even better yet I say nothing at all and just do it.
Started here. Then read your previous entries.
Helped me a lot. I have noticed my tendency to conform to others expectations. Didn’t realize how vital it was to them and their sanity.
See the same in myself of course. Have been ideologically promiscuous. Feels so good. But you’re right about the price we pay.
Thanks for sharing! I like how your brain works.