Question
How do I strike the balance between confidence and arrogance?
Answer
Fascinating question. I don't think "balance" is a meaningful concept here. Arrogance is an overload on confidence that is appropriate in some situations. What you want to guard against is inappropriate arrogance.
To start with some operating definitions, I'd say:
Arrogance can be accompanied by two complementary attitudes: you are either oblivious of others' opinions (in which case you don't recognize the confidence/arrogance difference), or you are aware of them and choose to ignore them.
In the latter case, you can ignore others nicely, without hurting their feelings, or bluntly (which necessarily means saying, one way or another, "I don't think your opinion matters"). I prefer the latter if the other person can handle it. "Nice" merely causes perceptions of hypocrisy and two-facedness later.
Now to your specific question, I think the best strategy is to develop self-awareness around the reasons for your confidence/arrogance in various decisions or situations. The way to do this is to make sure you honestly acknowledge failures attributable to unfounded confidence/arrogance to yourself (even if nobody else knows and you were able to spin a win publicly).
Where you genuinely think you know better based on either logic/data or a gut-feel informed by experience that you haven't yet processed, go ahead, be arrogant.
When you sense that you are being arrogant because you have some sort of attachment to a self-image (don't want to admit ignorance, have a self-perception of "risk taker" etc.) OR you suspect your gut may be misleading you by processing the wrong experiences (making you confident/arrogant that you'll be great at Go simply because you were great at chess for example), then do a double take. Notice your confidence and ask "where is this coming from?"
Do the same analysis for the opposition: is their resistance based on data? Better-informed gut-feelings? Cowardice? Mediocrity? Resentment? Be careful here, sometimes these things get mixed up. Somebody with an inferiority complex contradiction you out of resentment could still have better data and be right. They may just be ugly about it.
This stuff is hard to do real-time, so try not to process opposition in real-time conversations. Be guarded in what you share until you've analyzed opposition in private.
To start with some operating definitions, I'd say:
- Confidence is belief in yourself when others don't give a crap
- Arrogance is belief in yourself when others disagree
Arrogance can be accompanied by two complementary attitudes: you are either oblivious of others' opinions (in which case you don't recognize the confidence/arrogance difference), or you are aware of them and choose to ignore them.
In the latter case, you can ignore others nicely, without hurting their feelings, or bluntly (which necessarily means saying, one way or another, "I don't think your opinion matters"). I prefer the latter if the other person can handle it. "Nice" merely causes perceptions of hypocrisy and two-facedness later.
Now to your specific question, I think the best strategy is to develop self-awareness around the reasons for your confidence/arrogance in various decisions or situations. The way to do this is to make sure you honestly acknowledge failures attributable to unfounded confidence/arrogance to yourself (even if nobody else knows and you were able to spin a win publicly).
Where you genuinely think you know better based on either logic/data or a gut-feel informed by experience that you haven't yet processed, go ahead, be arrogant.
When you sense that you are being arrogant because you have some sort of attachment to a self-image (don't want to admit ignorance, have a self-perception of "risk taker" etc.) OR you suspect your gut may be misleading you by processing the wrong experiences (making you confident/arrogant that you'll be great at Go simply because you were great at chess for example), then do a double take. Notice your confidence and ask "where is this coming from?"
Do the same analysis for the opposition: is their resistance based on data? Better-informed gut-feelings? Cowardice? Mediocrity? Resentment? Be careful here, sometimes these things get mixed up. Somebody with an inferiority complex contradiction you out of resentment could still have better data and be right. They may just be ugly about it.
This stuff is hard to do real-time, so try not to process opposition in real-time conversations. Be guarded in what you share until you've analyzed opposition in private.