Question
How is coffee served in different parts of the world and why?
Answer
In America, there is an evolved, complex coffee culture.
Coffee is made in vast quantities of either weak and pathetic or strong+burnt+acrid drip brew and served like water in diners and gas stations. The minimum socially acceptable quantity that you are allowed to drink is 32 oz.
9 out of 10 times it is undrinkable by civilized people, but we like it. It builds character, and is what makes America great. It's like playing slots. You never know what you're going to get, which builds resilience and moral strength.
And sometimes you get lucky and hit the jackpot -- drinkable coffee that's almost as good as bad coffee anywhere else in the world.
The probability that you'll get drinkable drip coffee at major American outlets on any given day is as follows:
If you DON'T get good coffee (i.e. 100 minus those percentage numbers), you have even odds of getting either weak swill of some sort or a strong, burnt, acrid fluid that is actually made by diluting molten asphalt with water.
In an incredible event in 2004, I actually got drinkable coffee two days in a row! I was so excited I called my friends around the world.
Note that there is also another kind of coffee available in America, known as "snob drip." It mostly tastes the same as diner coffee, but you get the privilege of seeing it being made by supercilious looking young hipster geniuses wrangling delicate equipment that looks like it came out of the chemistry lab of a mad scientist. Brushes and a ritual known as "hand pouring" are involved. As I said, it tastes the same. The 3x price difference is mainly for the performance. Matinee snob coffee is slightly cheaper.
Finally, if you have European tastes, there is an amazing espresso-based idea available. You pull a shot or two of espresso, dump it in a 32 oz tankard and then pour hot water in to the brim, making a sort of "drippified espresso."
I love the stuff. I normally drink 24% hit probability Starbucks drip, but when I am in the mood for a treat, I drink an Americano. I normally consume about 3 gallons a day. At home, I used to have a bialetti stove-top espresso maker at one point, and then I upgraded to an American drip coffee maker ($25) and finally to the finest technological product known to humans: instant coffee.
Yesterday evening, I made a cup of instant but forgot to drink it. So I put it in the fridge and reheated it for my morning cup today. Yum.
Coffee is made in vast quantities of either weak and pathetic or strong+burnt+acrid drip brew and served like water in diners and gas stations. The minimum socially acceptable quantity that you are allowed to drink is 32 oz.
9 out of 10 times it is undrinkable by civilized people, but we like it. It builds character, and is what makes America great. It's like playing slots. You never know what you're going to get, which builds resilience and moral strength.
And sometimes you get lucky and hit the jackpot -- drinkable coffee that's almost as good as bad coffee anywhere else in the world.
The probability that you'll get drinkable drip coffee at major American outlets on any given day is as follows:
- Home of random American over 40: about 20% (90% if you happen to be that random American in question)
- Random diner: 30%
- Branded chain diner (IHOP, Denny's): 18%
- Dunkin' Donuts: 47%
- Fast food chain not normally known for coffee (eg. McDonald's): 44%
- Starbucks: 24%
- Random gas station or 7-11: 14%
- My home: 38%
- Average office in America: 8%
If you DON'T get good coffee (i.e. 100 minus those percentage numbers), you have even odds of getting either weak swill of some sort or a strong, burnt, acrid fluid that is actually made by diluting molten asphalt with water.
In an incredible event in 2004, I actually got drinkable coffee two days in a row! I was so excited I called my friends around the world.
Note that there is also another kind of coffee available in America, known as "snob drip." It mostly tastes the same as diner coffee, but you get the privilege of seeing it being made by supercilious looking young hipster geniuses wrangling delicate equipment that looks like it came out of the chemistry lab of a mad scientist. Brushes and a ritual known as "hand pouring" are involved. As I said, it tastes the same. The 3x price difference is mainly for the performance. Matinee snob coffee is slightly cheaper.
Finally, if you have European tastes, there is an amazing espresso-based idea available. You pull a shot or two of espresso, dump it in a 32 oz tankard and then pour hot water in to the brim, making a sort of "drippified espresso."
I love the stuff. I normally drink 24% hit probability Starbucks drip, but when I am in the mood for a treat, I drink an Americano. I normally consume about 3 gallons a day. At home, I used to have a bialetti stove-top espresso maker at one point, and then I upgraded to an American drip coffee maker ($25) and finally to the finest technological product known to humans: instant coffee.
Yesterday evening, I made a cup of instant but forgot to drink it. So I put it in the fridge and reheated it for my morning cup today. Yum.